Almost fifty minutes of utter banality

Remember when In Flames were good? It was twenty years ago, at least. Remember when Amaranthe were good? That was never. 

CyHra is – or was – two of the guys from one of those bands and the ex-singer from the other, and if that doesn’t tell you that this album is going to be a boring, one-dimensional pile of shit, then let me do it: this album is a boring, one-dimensional pile of shit.

The thing about melody and metal is that when each counterbalances the other, the results are mutually beneficial. Like a symbiotic relationship between darkness and light, the melody enhances the menace of the metal. Jesper Strömblad knew this when he started fucking around with the Gothenburg sound and made classic 90s metal albums like Lunar Strain and Colony. Then In Flames went all poppy and shit, but they didn’t change their name so they became a shitty pop band with a stupid name instead of a cool metal band with an OK-ish one, and suddenly melody was subverting metal but for some reason people were all right with that to the point that other bands started doing it too until Amaranthe came along, and it was like the 90s Finnish power metal scene all over again – but lamer.

So we’re left with this: two members of the band that both invented and destroyed the Gothenburg melodic death metal scene and a guy from a scene that amounts to metal’s answer to post-grunge, plus a couple of other dudes, making an album of the same terrible songs repeated over and over… and oh my fucking God: one of the songs is called Bye Bye Forever! What even is this?

No Halos in Hell is almost fifty minutes of utter banality with no creative spark or artistic vision whatsoever. Remember how I said Amaranthe were shit? This is worse. You know when dickheads add shit like chocolate or ice cream to beer or coffee because they don’t really like beer or coffee? This is like that. It’s metal for people who don’t actually like heavy metal. Get fucked.

  1. Out Of My Life
  2. No Halos in Hell
  3. Battle From Within
  4. I Am the One
  5. Bye Bye Forever
  6. Dreams Gone Wrong
  7. Lost in Time
  8. Kings Tonight
  9. I Had Your Back
  10. Blood Brothers
  11. Hit Me
  12. Man of Eternal Rain