Metal music is worse for this band’s existence

When Dimebag Darrell was tragically murdered on this day in 2004, a void opened in the world of American groove-laden metal.

Into that void stepped Las Vegas buffoons Five Finger Death Punch, proudly waving their Pantera influences like flags while simultaneously taking everything that made the Texas quartet such a great band and dumbing it down to the most base level.

Taking Vinnie Paul’s colorful and polyrhythmic approach to drumming and replacing it with a relentless clattering of kicks and snare and stripping away the wit and sophistication of Phil Anselmo’s gutter poetry to reduce lyrics to little more than shout-along slogans and boneheaded affirmations was part of the process. They then married that to repetitive, garbage riffs and amateurish noodling barely passing for soloing that Dimebag wouldn’t have shit out.

Somehow, they’ve made a ten-year career out of this, appealing to the knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers for whom even Pantera was too high-brow. And so here we have a stupidly over-burdened ‘best of’ album with 16 fucking songs on it, including a new track that’s no better than their old ones and a painfully over-reaching cover of The Offspring’s ‘Gone Away’, arguably one of the most heartfelt songs that band ever achieved.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t hate this band. I fucking hate them, and the careless way they have unironically dispossessed metal music of any nuance of artfulness and acumen and turned it into a succession of bro-hymns for dullards and pit ninjas. Metal music is worse for this band’s existence, and you are a terrible person if you buy this.

1. Trouble
2. Gone Away
3. Lift Me Up
4. Wash it All Away
5. Bad Company
6. Under and Over It
7. Wrong Side of Heaven
8. House of the Rising Sun
9. I Apologize
10. The Bleeding
11. Jekyll and Hyde
12. Remember Everything
13. Coming Down’
14. My Nemesis
15. Battle Born
16. Far From Home

  • Corin Shearston

    Damn, that was a five finger death punch from Loud Online!! Scathing stuff ,,/(*_*),,/

  • teebaggers

    Brian Griffin and yet it would be better than your last album you f n douch